Joke: Drive-in ATM
Read this long time ago... but good to laugh on it once again.
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine!
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine!
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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Printing: Tips & Tricks - IV
Default Printer
For Printing, Instead of going to File -> Print, there is also a Print button on the toolbars in most of the applications. Few Applications like Adobe show Printing Dialog Box, while some applications like Microsoft Office directly prints the current document to the Default Printer.
Be careful when using this button, as you may accidentally hit this button without the need of printing, and lots of pages are printed without your knowledge.
There even may be situations where you print the document and print does not come out as per your expectation.
In such cases, you can use the Adobe Printer/Distiller or Microsoft Office Document Image Writer as these printers print the document in a PDF or MDI format which looks exactly as you would get on the hard copy.
To avoid such situations, you can set these Printers as the Default Printer and take the hard copy only when you are really want it.
TO change the default printer, go to Start -> Control Panel -> Printers and Faxes -> Select the Desired Printer -> Right Click and Select Set as Default Printer.
Check your document before hitting that Print button
You can use Proofing Tools (F7) for this.
You can use Page Setup, Print Preview, Page-Break View (in Excel) OR Print it to PDF/MDI and verify.
You can use Selection property of Print Range, Print Area (in Excel), OR Copy it to Notepad and then Print.
If it is just few lines, then why can't you write it on your Notepad, instead of Printing?
OR Can't you just use it electronically as it is, I mean the Soft Copy itself.
You can make use of the available functions, like Find, Comment, Highlight.
For original articles go to the below links;
http://lifehacker.com/software/feature/printing-power-tips-171578.php
http://www.softwarepro.com/articles/exl_printing.htm
Printing: Tips & Tricks - III
Keep It Simple
Many ink jet printers offer a draft or fast mode. If you aren't too concerned with print quality, draft mode may not only save you time, but ink too.
Switching from color mode to black and white can also add to your savings.
Print Area [In Excel]
By default, an entire worksheet is printed in Excel unless you indicate a specific print area. To limit the printed area,
1) Highlight the cells you want to print,
2) Choose File > Print Area > Set Print Area.
The new print area remains in place until changed.
To clear the current print area, pick File > Print Area > Clear Print Area.
Fit to Page [In Excel]
Unlike Word documents, content is not limited by the paper size or orientation. A worksheet can be split into as many pages as needed to display the content but sometimes you might want to fit all data into one page by height or width. To do this, first choose File > Page Setup, set margins to the smallest size that will work for your layout. Change paper size and orientation if you want. Next, select the Page tab and under the Scaling category pick Fit to For instance, if you want to fit all data columns on one lengthwise page, change orientation to landscape and choose Fit to 1 page wide by 999 pages tall. Try it, this setting won't stretch pages to 999 pages but will make sure that a low value won't accidentally shrink the pages to a much smaller size. Another option under Scaling is to adjust the size to a percentage of the normal size.
To be Continued...
Printing: Tips & Tricks - II
Duplex Printing
Many larger printers offer an automatic duplexing option, allowing you to easily print on both sides of a sheet of paper.
Unfortunately, the option is not always enabled by default.
To set this option on a per print basis, go to File -> Print, Select the Printer and then select Properties button to get the Printer Properties.
N-Up Printing
Some programs and printers allow users to shrink documents so that multiple pages can be printed onto a single sheet of paper. So called N-up printing can be convenient for reference documents, especially if you don't want them taking up a lot of space.
You may not want to read an entire book at 16 pages per sheet, but it can be convenient to have your address book crammed onto just a few sheets of paper to carry in a notebook or wallet.
Microsoft® Office Word offers a Pages per sheet option when printing that allows up to 16 pages to be printed onto a single sheet of paper. Similarly, Microsoft® Office PowerPoint's handouts can be printed with up to 9 slides per page. For even more flexibility, some printers have n-up capabilities built into the printer driver, allowing n-up printing regardless of the application.
To set this option on a per print basis, go to File -> Print, Select the Printer and then select Properties button to get the Printer Properties.
To be Continued...
Printing: Tips & Tricks - I
Printer ink isn't cheap, and there's nothing worse than getting stuck without paper or a new cartridge when you absolutely need to print a document.
As with most tech tools, modern printers have more bells and whistles than most people bother to learn about. But a little knowledge can go a long way. Today I've got a few tips for saving on ink, paper, money and time while you print.
As with most tech tools, modern printers have more bells and whistles than most people bother to learn about. But a little knowledge can go a long way. Today I've got a few tips for saving on ink, paper, money and time while you print.
Current Selection
Why waste toner printing online ads, navigation elements, or other extraneous junk? Or what if you just need to print a phone number or graphic, rather than an entire page?
You may already use page range printing, but most programs allow you to print even smaller portions of a document.
Use your mouse to highlight just the area you need. Select File -> Print, then under the Print range options, choose Selection. Only the area you selected will be printed.
Print Preview
Printouts don't always come out looking like you'd expect, especially when printing from the Web.
For instance, when printing directions from Google Maps, I often get a page at the end of the printout with nothing but a header and footer.
In cases like these, it pays to use Print Preview function to make sure what you see really is what you'll get.
In most applications, you will find Print Preview in the File Menu, or even in the Print Dialog Box.
To be Continued...
Organising Outlook's Sent Items
Do you bother about moving the messages from Sent Items to a particular archived folder in Outlook?
Do you bother about running/applying Outlook rules to your sent items, so that the Sent emails are filtered and moved to particular archived folders?
Do you bother about running/applying Outlook rules to your sent items, so that the Sent emails are filtered and moved to particular archived folders?
If yes, then Open Outlook (it is obviously open now), Goto the main window -> Tools -> Options -> Email Options -> Advanced Email options -> select the option marked below in red.
By enabling this option, whenever you reply or forward any email which is currently within a folder, the message sent will be stored in the same folder and not in sent items.
This feature will not work if you reply or forward any email in the inbox folder.
Shortcut to Windows Explorer
What How do I create a shortcut to a folder, which opens in “Windows Explorer” (not in My Computer)?
How Right Click in the blank area on the desktop, Click on New -> Shortcut and then paste any of the below line in the following window, press Next and give any desired name to the shortcut.
Note: Replace the text in Red with your folder path
1] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /e,folder_path
e.g. %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /e,d:\data
This opens the folder “data” in Windows Explorer.
2] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /n, /e, /select,folder_path
e.g. %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /n, /e, /select,d:\data
This opens d: in Windows Explorer and selects the folder “data”
3] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe
This opens “My Documents” in Windows Explorer
4] %SystemRoot%\explorer.scf
This opens c: in Windows Explorer.
How Right Click in the blank area on the desktop, Click on New -> Shortcut and then paste any of the below line in the following window, press Next and give any desired name to the shortcut.
Note: Replace the text in Red with your folder path
1] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /e,folder_path
e.g. %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /e,d:\data
This opens the folder “data” in Windows Explorer.
2] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /n, /e, /select,folder_path
e.g. %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe /n, /e, /select,d:\data
This opens d: in Windows Explorer and selects the folder “data”
3] %SystemRoot%\explorer.exe
This opens “My Documents” in Windows Explorer
4] %SystemRoot%\explorer.scf
This opens c: in Windows Explorer.
Hide Formula Error in Excel
What: In Excel, How do I hide the error values, resulting from the formula?
Why: You may want the correct values to be displayed, but when error is itself the value then what to do.
Error values include #DIV/0!, #N/A, #NAME?, #NULL!, #NUM!, #REF!, and #VALUE!, which may result because of some missing parameters of the formula, or the invalid reference.
How: There are two ways to hide the error values,
1] Hide the Error values using Conditional Formatting
1] Hide the Error values using Conditional Formatting
1. Select the cells that contain the error value. On the Format menu,
click Conditional Formatting.
2. In the box on the left, click Formula Is.
3. In the box on the right, type =ISERROR(reference), where reference is a reference to
the cell that contains the error value.
4. Click Format, and then click the Font tab.
5. Click Format.
6. In the Color box, select white.
click Conditional Formatting.
2. In the box on the left, click Formula Is.
3. In the box on the right, type =ISERROR(reference), where reference is a reference to
the cell that contains the error value.
4. Click Format, and then click the Font tab.
5. Click Format.
6. In the Color box, select white.
2] Display the value what you want instead of the error, by using IF formula
1. Select the cell that contains the error value.
Wrap the following formula around the formula in the cell, where old_formula is the formula
that was previously in the cell.
=IF(ISERROR(old_formula),"Your Message",old_formula)
e.g. =IF(ISERROR(1/0),"NA",A2/A3)
=IF(ISERROR(A2/A3),"",A2/A3)
Wrap the following formula around the formula in the cell, where old_formula is the formula
that was previously in the cell.
=IF(ISERROR(old_formula),"Your Message",old_formula)
e.g. =IF(ISERROR(1/0),"NA",A2/A3)
=IF(ISERROR(A2/A3),"",A2/A3)
Additional Time Zone in Microsoft Outlook
Where: Microsoft Outlook - 2003
What: How to setup an additional Time Zone in Microsoft Outlook?
You can have Microsoft Outlook display a second time zone in your Calendar by selecting the Show an additional time zone check box in the Time Zone dialog box. The second time zone is used only to show a second time bar in Calendar view and does not affect the way Calendar items are stored or displayed.
Time Zone dialog box
How In Microsoft Outlook (2003), use the following Menu Path
1] Tools -> Options -> Preferences [Tab] -> Calendar Options -> Time Zone.
2] Select “Show an additional Time Zone”
3] Label the second time zone, as required.
4] Select the second time zone.
5] Press OK.
Now whenever you open the calendar, you will see the two time zones (screenshot below).
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